My Intention

“I have often felt a motion of love to leave some hints in writing of my experience of the goodness of God, and now, in the thirty-sixth year of my age, I begin this work.”

This was once written by John Woolman, and while I’m currently only in the twenty-third year of my age, over the last year I, too, have felt a similar motion.

Now allow myself to introduce…myself.

I’m a queer Quaker, and my name is A.J.

That stands for Alberto John Mendoza, but I’ve gone by A.J. for my entire life. I graduated from George Fox University in 2013, where I majored in Political Science and History.  I’m a native Oregonian, but currently I’m living in Atlanta as part of my year in Quaker Voluntary Service.  I work at Habitat for Humanity, but my passion, the thing that I think about more often than not, is making Christian Colleges safer places where LGBTQ students have the means to meet their needs.  I hope to attend Seminary in the not too distant future, and could see myself being a pastor someday.

…are you still with me? Ok great! I hate trying to give an elevator speech about myself…truth be told, the “about me” sections on online profiles cause some anxiety for me.  Its like trying to make a good first impression, and the stakes seem high to me! What should I include? What should I leave out?! Steee-ressful.

I’m a believer that naming fears is a way to remove their power.  So, in addition to my already named fear of introductions, here is what has kept the motion to start a blog simmering for so long in my mind.  I’m afraid that no one would particularly care to hear what I have to say.  I’m afraid that fellow Christians will belittle and attack me.  I’m afraid of being seen as being in-bed-with-the-enemy by others in the queer community.  I’m afraid of writing something that would bring pain to another person.  I’m afraid of being labeled or limited by what I write. I’m afraid I will be misunderstood, and that people will pick out old quotes of mine to hold over my head and say, “Aha! See! Look what he wrote here! Told you he wasn’t worth listening to!”

Ok, that felt good…I think. *Deep cleansing breaths*

This blog exists now and I will be true to my leading, to hell with being afraid. 

I want to try to make my intention a little more clear.  

I intend to write very honestly, and on a myriad of topics.  Some of my posts will be raw parts of my experience growing up as a gay man.  Some will be about my personal Christian faith, and my experience as a Quaker.  Some will be responses to what moves me that day, which could be a song, an interaction, or even an episode of Star Trek….actually there will definitely be many references to Star Trek. I can be pretty nerdy, a little slow on the uptake, and a bit too sarcastic at times.  I don’t have any delusion that I will be the next Rachel Held Evans or Justin Lee, or that I will make some groundbreaking Quaker theological tome.  This will just be me. honest.

I intend to use this blog to try to encourage those who are in need. How this will happen…well I’m not entirely sure, but I know that there were times when I was a kid that I scoured different corners of the internet looking for encouragement.  Maybe someone like that will make their way onto this blog, and maybe it will give them something they need.  Maybe that someone is you right now! Maybe I already know you, maybe I don’t.  Either way though, odds are I’d like to get to know you better. 

I believe that there is tremendous power in a story. The world is full of stories that should be told and aren’t being told. 

So, if my story has the power to help someone in any sense whatsoever, I intend to tell it.

This blog will be more than elevator speech, no one post is going to capture who I am entirely now, or what I will be like in the future.  You, the reader, are now a part of this story too! Imagine that we are walking into the woods together, I’m not sure where we will end up, but the journey has begun.

And lastly, in case this is the only time you will visit this blog, I want to tell you that God loves you, exactly as you are.